Open Possibilities......

Where do I go from here?? When was the last time you asked yourself that question? When you sit at a table full of possibilities and options; how do you know you are making the right choices, doing the right thing, going in the right direction? Then when you make a choice how do you convince yourself that you made the right one? You know what I am talking about.....that ever so subtle feeling creeping up in the pit of your stomach.....oh lord, have I bitten off more than I can chew? Why does that happen when two days earlier, granted when you were in the middle of "A REALLY GREAT IDEA" you were convinced this was the way to go and you could sooo do all this!! I am going to reside myself with the fact that this is just the natural course of things, the way we keep it all in check. If I lived every day simply believing that there would never be a single challenge to any decision I made I would not be living in reality. I will ride the ups and downs of big decisions and give it my all and hope that on the other side I will see the outcome I desire. Isn't that what my Mother always said...."Life is a roller-coaster, you take the ups' with the downs and hold on for the ride. Scary at times, but always fun and full of new thrills around every corner"!! Well ain't that the truth...I do have five children!! But, I see these open possibilities as a spring board for all the things I would ever love to accomplish, so hang on tight I jumping in!!

A change in the Weather.....

Well.... today the weather was beautiful and tomorrow is suppose to be even better! I have a love hate relationship with Spring!! I love the warmer weather but oh my how I despise the mud! Oh well we deal with it, right? I am still enjoying my Vegan journey and I am impressed at how my body has accepted these changes in my diet. I feel more connected - both good and bad - to every situation I am in. I feel calmer under pressure and more confidant in speaking my mind. I was surprised this weekend when we went out just how few options there are for people who are avoiding meat let alone dairy......I did get a yummy Veggie Burger sans the cheese. I loved the look on the women's face when my 6 year old proudly stated "She will have NO cheese because she is a Vegan"!!!! I wondered if she would have been more accepting or more apathetic if I had said I had an allergy to dairy? I thought about how difficult it must be for someone who CAN'T have dairy...the simplest thing like a cup of coffee....imagine if it weren't a choice, very interesting to me. Hey.....what if I was a Vegetarian who was allergic to dairy?? So this is my case and point about Speaking my Mind!!

Vegan Anyone......

I have decided to join an amazing women Heather from Beauty That Moves on a 30 Day Vegan Adventure in March! I see this adventure as a perfect way to "reset" my body....with wholefoods, fruits & veggies. I figure the inside needs just as much, if not more, attention as the outside! Recently we have been cutting done on our meat consumption and when we do enjoy meat, it is always from a local trusted farm! We tend to eat a lot of fruit, veggies and our family loves all kinds of grains. We do our best to eat the best foods we can; local, organic foods that are not tainted by chemicals. So when I received the invitation to join this month long journey I didn't think twice. I want to do it for the benefits for my body but also the focus it will take to carry out through the month. To re-focus my mind and be conscious of where I am and what I am doing. I have lost a little bit of that through the years, totally on my own accord.....okay maybe not TOTALLY....I do have five children!!! I am looking forward to the challenge to be committed to something for me and my health, I have always felt so selfish for doing things "for me" but I realize that in order to the best for my family , I need to be the best for me!! Yay....I am excited and I'll keep you all posted on my progress!!

Happy Birthday....

Well the Little Man turned three yesterday!! It is a strange feeling when your youngest hits these "milestone" ages, at least for me it is! You take for granted every birthday that there is another "three" birthday coming for one of the other children....but not this time!! It is a little sad on one hand but a little liberating on the other....does that sound strange?? It is hard to explain, but I will try....I am sad to see that my youngest is growing up so quickly, but then when I look up I see that ALL my little ones are growing up too quickly, they are all so big. This makes me long to remember every single detail from the moment they were born to this very second. Then I wipe my tears and look at how amazing they are becoming....their unique personalities, likes, dislikes & that little sparkle that makes them who they are. Then I begin to see the future for them and all the wonderful things that await them, and just how wonderful that will be. But, when your youngest gets bigger, I find it is harder to acknowledge that this is the end of an era; a change in the tide for so many reasons....more for me than anything else! I have spent fourteen years being a continuous Mom, and that position will NEVER end, my duties are changing. It used to be somewhat revolving; every two or four years we would start all over again with a new little baby! But now we are on a continuous path, we aren't circling back and there are days when that catches me off guard. I have had a routine, a well worn path I have followed for so many years. Like so many things in life, it is the new adventures that bring the most joy! Not only are my children growing and changing, I am joining them along this journey....hand in hand until they are big enough to go it alone. Shh...don't tell them but I will never let go of their hand!!

The Real Reason......

The entire reason I started this new blog was directly associated with one single event in my life. It will act as an outlet to share all the things I see so differently now. This event occurred on February 8Th! An opportunity to do something so "out-of-the-box" for me; something I had never really even considered. I had admired the others who were braver than me and had done it and thought how beautiful they were. So let me back-up to where I had met this person who convinced me that I was more than worth doing this.....Diane!! She is a photographer who I had seen and met briefly at and around the market, we became friends on Facebook and eventually I offered to do a photo shoot with my family this summer at Lake Compounce for her. We had a blast and quickly became pretty humorous friends on Facebook!! I could always count on her for at least one good laugh a day, usually many more!! I had been following her photos and blog because she is amazing at what she does. Her photos capture the real story behind the picture....it is like looking into the life of the picture. You don't just see a picture of a bride & groom, you see the absolute love and admiration between this new husband and wife, the excitement and pure anticipation from the pregnant couples, the endless possibilities in the eyes of the new babies and the beauty and self confidence of the Boudoir women she photographs. We had teased back and forth for a while about getting a set of photos done for my husband for weeks, maybe even months?? I conceded and figured I would get a few head shots done.....well once I started thinking about it the more I became excited! When I went for my photos I was greeted with a huge smile, big hug and a kiss on the cheek..."I am so glad you are here"!! I was so nervous, but boy did we have fun and by the end of the shoot I couldn't believe I had really done it...it was a rush! I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time...beautiful! My husband tells me often that he still thinks I am beautiful, but it is something different to really feel it and believe it for yourself. When Diane emailed me the photos I was surprised that I wasn't too critical on myself because she had done such a nice job at capturing who I was missing for so many years...ME! When I look at these pictures I see possibility, empowerment, self~confidence and a women who deserves to be more. I see so much more than I have seen in a very long time. So THANK YOU, Diane, you have opened my eyes, actually you have given me "New Eyes"!

And the things I see with these new eyes are endless......

Simple Things....

You know those times when you realize that there is so much to be said for the simple things in our lives! I have begun to see that the simple things are what I hold close, cherish. Almost every Sunday my Father and I make the trip to Coventry for the Farmers Market. We have a cup of coffee, visit with our usual vendors and usually grab a pizza to have for lunch. We also shared every Sunday for a while as vendors and my Father was my "right-hand-man". I enjoy this simple ritual of spending time with my Dad, but I also realize that I love seeing all those faces at the Market that I know. Each of them has a special spot in my life; at some point they have made an impact on me, impressed me or just inspired me. I feel "at home" when I am with these people and it is all that much better because I am able to share this with my Dad. Today we helped out two of our dear friends who have suffered loss at the hands of this terrible winter weather and at the same time we were able to capture a moment in time at a place we love surrounded by some of the most important people in my life; my children, my father and everyone at the market! Simplicity at it's best!

A change in Face....

There are times in every persons life when they face change.....good or bad! We can either stand tall and take it on full speed ahead or we can wither in a corner and hope that it passes. For most of us we look the other way when we are handed the opportunity to change; out of fear, apprehension or just plain lack of confidence. We wait, hoping that it will go by and not impact our lives too much. I self admittedly have done this for years, accepting that I was fine just the way I was...never pushing the envelope...following a path that I felt I had to take, it was the right thing to do. My first question to myself when I felt like I had hit rock bottom of the emotional river that was raging through my life; Hmmm....the right thing for who? I made the choice to grab that last glimmer of hope that was left in my battered pool of feelings. This summer was a test of my sheer endurance and ability to rebound from a sequence of devastating blows. This time I had chose to hold onto the banks and pull myself up to a new, different place along this raging river that seemed determined to pull me under. I came out on the other side different, changed! I wanted more for myself, someone who I had lost along the way. I think that as Mom's we put ourselves last out of necessity. Everyone in our circle needs us more than we need ourselves, there just isn't any time left to invest in "us"; unfortunately after years of this we loose ourselves.
I have happily been just a Mom for over 14 years now and it is the only job I could imagine having, one that can never be measured in worth because it is priceless. The pay is in the form of smiles, hugs, love and memories again priceless. My other job is as a wife to a wonderful man who loves me so unconditionally it brings tears to my eyes. He works hard, too hard and sacrifices time with his family to afford me the opportunity to be a full-time Mom. He is selfless, loyal and is always giving of himself. This part of "Me" I would never change, this strong force of connection and indestructible structure of my family will forever be my core, my driving force! Without ever loosing a single thread of family, I am setting out to find this person I was, want to be and deserve to be. Thank You to my family for my overflowing and abundant life!! Thank You to all my friends old and especially new who support me and encourage me in ways you don't even know! I love You!

Where it all began......

I am starting this blog to have a place to write all the things I encounter on my way to finding myself. My dreams, hopes, fears and really just anything I feel like sharing! This journey I am taking from only recognizing myself as a mother & wife to seeing myself as ME! This should be fun....